


I've Acquired Quite a Taste for a Well-made Mistake

by JLwargrave



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Killing Eve Week 2021, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 03:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLwargrave/pseuds/JLwargrave
Summary: Eve comes home to rest after staying a few days at the hospital where Niko is. She finds Villanelle who is not so Villanelle. Some truths, a few regrets, and a giant heartache.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2021





	I've Acquired Quite a Taste for a Well-made Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic. Ever. This sharing thing, is scary. Salute to all the fanfic writers who are churning out all the wonderful fics for our consumption.  
> Title is of course, from Fiona Apple’s A Mistake.  
> This takes place in S3 sans the bus scene. I didn’t intend to pile on what’s going on by adding this sad fic to the collection. Purely coincidental. My plan is to follow this up with a sequel of the two of them 2 years later, with a seemingly very moved on V and a very murderously jealous Eve. Let me know if you would be interested in that. You could also opt to just K word me in the comments for what I did here, wouldn’t expect anything less I guess.  
> And yes, S4. Last one. Huhu.

Villanelle lies beside the tub. Her arm warm from the flow of blood. The rest of her body cold from endless sobs that seem to extinguish all that she is. What that means exactly, escapes her.

  
It could have been hours or days, she can’t be sure. “I don’t want to do it anymore.” She says this to the room. To all of space. To herself. Or is it for Eve?

  
Chances are, it is for Eve. As is everything.

  
Her phone buzzes. She picks up if only to have to do something else than this mumbling, this sobbing.

  
“Why did you do it, Villanelle?” Konstantin accuses.

  
“She had it coming.” Villanelle declares.

  
“What? Who is… She?” Villanelle doesn’t speak.

  
A chilling clarity descends upon Konstantin.

  
“Oh no, Villanelle. She is your mother.”

  
“Was my mother! I know Konstantin, you were the one who told me who she was! This is a stupid conversation.” Villanelle now deeply regrets having picked up.

  
“Villanelle. Where are you? Are you… hmm well, considering?” Villanelle sniffs.

  
“Why did you call Konstantin?” Villanelle asked with increasing irritation.

  
“Was it you who hurt the Polastri man?”

  
“What? Mustache is dead?”

  
“Punctured with a pitchfork. London hospital. I thought perhaps you had done it?”

  
“Eve.” Villanelle whispers.

  
“Villanelle… you can’t be serious. You simply cannot be prancing around carelessly in London. Do not. I repeat, do not go to her ok? Villanelle?”  
Obviously, she’s long gone. He has just said all that to no one.

Eve knows that as mistakes go, she’s amassed a lot. One might say she has quite an exquisite collection.

  
Today she has been pondering about all of them. With nostalgia reserved for reverent walks among tombs in a cemetery, she has created a litany of them in her mind. She wondered while sat beside Niko’s hospital bed if she said sorry for every single one of them, would that make him wake up from all this? Because if that is assured, she thinks that she would.

  
The nurse tells her that they would just call her if there is any development and she was urged to go home and get some rest. She has been there for days after all.

  
Now, standing at her door as she fumbles for her keys she felt a sudden sense of fear, a familiar unmistakable sense of someone being on the other side of the door. She has no reason to feel this. To know this. But she does.

  
Eve steps back for a moment. Breathes. Chastises herself for being paranoid. Maybe she really needs that rest the nurse said she should get.

Eve opens her door and was immediately assaulted by an overpowering scent and an immediate image of a body lying on her bed.

  
Eve gasped when she saw the blonde hair. There is no mistaking who this is.

  
Villanelle. On her shitty little apartment. Villanelle smelling… god what is that scent? That unimportant scent, Eve redirects her train of thought. Villanelle laid down on her bed. Is she dead? She watches Villanelle breathe. For a moment she is mesmerized. So no not dead, yet. Stranger still, is she asleep? Is she fucking kidding? She shoots me, leaves me to die, breaks into my apartment, and takes a nap on my bed? Really?

  
For a minute, Eve just stares. The scene is hard to take in. It is unsettling for its banality. It feels insultingly pedestrian given all that has happened between them. It feels so wrong to be in the same room with her, without tumult, without vitriol, the back and forth. So strange to see Villanelle… like this…unguarded.

  
Surely it won’t last. What a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  
Villanelle stirs. She is waking up. She sees Eve and says softly. “Eve? I came as soon as I heard about Niko.”

  
To this Eve panics. Suddenly taken over by pent-up emotions. Growls. Jumps on top of Villanelle. Straddles her. She pummels Villanelle's face, arms, and chest. An uncoordinated all-over-the-place volley of punches. Eve didn’t care where they land. She figured she could punch her as many times as she would have wanted to apologize for all her mistakes. If she had the time she felt she could have discovered some poetry in that.

  
Villanelle attempts to shield herself from some of the blows though she did not hit back. It must have been minutes. It must have been hours. Eve had to stop. She was exhausted. She didn’t notice she had been crying until she’s finally slumped on the bed. On her back, right beside Villanelle, she started to sob.

  
“You shot me and left me to die. Do you know how much you have ruined everything in my life? Do you even care? Who am I kidding you probably don’t.”

  
Villanelle was still. She wasn’t even looking at Eve. She stares at the ceiling. A tear rolled down from the side of her eye. Eve could see it in her periphery.

  
Despite the heaviness of her feelings and the words she was shedding, she couldn’t help but feel that something is amiss here. (Other than her beating up Villanelle of course.)

  
But she snaps back to the point at hand, this isn’t the time to dwell on whatever this is. She has much to say and she deserves to say them.  
“You have brought me nothing but pain and so much loss.”

  
She saw Villanelle squeeze her eyes shut. Saw how she inhales a strong breath and holds it in.

She doesn’t stop. Can’t stop.

  
“I regret ever knowing about you. I regret chasing after you. I regret everything I have ever done because of you. You have burrowed into every memory, every space, every single cell in me and I loathe that.”

  
Villanelle breathes out.

  
The dam keeps bursting.

  
“I need to be rid of you,” Eve said strongly and Eve might add, cruelly.

  
Villanelle’s mouth quivers. She bit her lip to stop it.

  
Eve observes the movement. She expected so many things from Villanelle when she imagined being able to say all this to her. Images of items being thrown, smashed, maybe some bullets, machetes, knives, definitely some knives. Some vicious exchange of words. Trading of blows. But so far, all the words and all the blows have been one-sided. Eve feels wobbly in this version of them. She doesn’t recognize it. It may have been the scariest scenario she never anticipated.

  
Villanelle slowly turns her body to face her. She doesn’t look Eve in the eye. She had her head bowed. She breathes. Eve notices that she’s trembling. Villanelle nods her head…

  
And then in an instant, Villanelle leans in for a kiss.

  
Eve still busy observing like a bystander is caught off guard. In that second that Villanelle’s lips touched hers, she got knocked out of herself. Loses her bearings and her present thoughts. Her mouth on autopilot kisses back. Gentle at first but her body had other plans. Eve felt hunger and anger coalesced into a surge of energy that made her kiss Villanelle with greed. Tongues battled to assert territory, passionate moans compete for the sweetest of crescendos. This was a long time coming. This kiss. Fueled by so many missed opportunities and many acts of violence that were inadequate surrogates to intimacies they’ve yearned for. It is everything and more. This must be the most honest thing they have ever shared. It hits her that this is truly so much more than she ever had with Niko. Oh…Niko. Niko on his death bed. As sudden as it left, reality reared its ugly head, it knocks “sense” back into Eve. She pushes Villanelle back. Hard.

  
“Oh my god, what am I doing? What are we doing? What is this? After the things I just said you would do something like…?!” Eve lets that hang.

  
Villanelle doesn’t move from having been pushed back. She doesn’t say anything. Just looks at Eve. It is a look she has never seen before. Sure, there is that admiration, the awe, the fondness. But something is also not there. Eve for a moment takes this in. She didn’t notice it earlier but Villanelle looks, not Villanelle. She seems younger and while it could very well be the beating she has just gotten, it seemed she is the most fragile she’s ever been. She seems resigned. Before she can pinpoint what else is and isn’t there, she registers a red shape that has blossomed on Villanelle's sleeves. Eve wonders if that was because of her punches? Surely she did not break the skin? Oh, Vill! What could have happened to her? What is this?

  
“You’re bleeding.” Normally she would expect a smart-ass retort. But just looking at her face, Eve knows nothing is forthcoming. There is none of the annoying spitfire quality that is often there. Eve swears she’s never missed it this much.

  
Eve suddenly forgets why she had to say the things she said. At this moment her instinct wanted her to hold Villanelle and make her tell her what is wrong. But before she could give in to this instinct, Villanelle stands up from the bed.

  
Eve, as if to even the playing field, stood up as well and forced Villanelle to face her. She looks at Villanelle questioningly, worriedly. Villanelle speaks.

  
“Ok, Eve."

  
“Ok, what?”

  
“You win.” Villanelle says this with a weak smile.

  
Eve sees exhaustion written all over Villanelle’s face. There is no suave. No bravado.

  
Did I beat her that bad really? Was it my words or my hands that hurt her more? Surely she can answer that, right?

  
“What did I win? What are you talking about?”

  
“I am so sorry Eve.” Villanelle says slowly. Sincerely.

  
“For what? You have to be more specific. Then again we might never finish.”

  
“For everything, most of all what I just did.”

  
“What, for kissing me?” Unsure of where all this is going.

  
“I had no right.”

  
“Ah… yeah but, I ... I kissed you back.”

  
“I just wanted to….”

  
“Wanted to what?” Eve asks softly.

  
“Have something to remember.”

  
It dawns on Eve.

"Wait, what?" 

  
Surely she doesn’t mean… I mean I stabbed her, she almost bled to death, and wasn’t she ok with that? We got past that, right? What are a few punches and words said in anger and justified frustration? Why is she talking like this? What is this? I just wanted to let it all out. I never wanted...  
Villanelle flashes her yet another weak smile.

  
Eve realizes she doesn’t like this smile at all.

  
Sure, it would be nice to have peace and no killings. Sure, I need to be done with all this. Need to be rid of her. Sure. But it doesn’t mean I… that I ...want to.

  
“Vill, I don’t mean…”

  
Before she can say anything more, her phone rings. Shatters the moment.

  
Villanelle looks at it and urges Eve to take the call with a simple nod.

  
Eve stares at her. She must have such a confused look on her face because Villanelle nods again for her to take the call.

  
“Wait, ok?” Eve pleads.

  
That smile again. Eve decides that she will scorch this earth if she sees that weak smile again.

  
Eve robotically walks to the table and answers the phone.

“Is this Mrs. Polastri?”

  
“Yes.”

  
Eve doesn’t register the faint sound of the soft closing of her door.

  
“I wonder is there someone with you right now? Could you possibly sit down?”

  
“What is it?” She asks with trepidation.

  
“Uhm, I’m am sorry to have to tell you that your husband uhm… “

  
Eve felt an urge to look back. She abruptly turns to look at where Villanelle was just seconds ago and finds nothing. No one. NO. NO. NO.

  
She opens the door wanting to give chase when

  
“He passed away just 10 mins ago… “

  
She steels herself. She held on to the opened door. She sees no one, not in the hallway nor in the street below. Eve feels pain. Searing. White. Hot. Pain. She can’t place where in her body it is but it overwhelms her.

  
NO. NO. NO.

  
Her mind is buzzing.

  
Words ring in her ears. They bounce around, echoing in the hollows of her brain.

  
They are words that are not to be. The shouldn’t-words. Erasing and trampling upon the should-be words. Eve feels unmoored. Abandoned in an ocean of loneliness she herself created. She struggles to breathe.

  
She beats her head to behave her thoughts. But they simply won’t.

  
“I’m just looking out for you, Eve.”

  
“I feel things when I’m with you.”

  
“I’ll look after you, it’s going to be amazing.”

  
“I love you, I do.”

  
“You are just take, take, take.”

“I need to be rid of you.” Eve cringes.

“Ok, Eve. You win.”

All alone now. With only these thoughts for company. Niko. Gone. Villanelle. Gone. Villanelle is now lost to her. She has let Eve go. Villanelle will no longer want to be found. Eve touches her lips and tries to remember and commit to memory the feeling of Villanelle’s mouth, her tongue, her heat. That scent. Is that all I get? That one kiss. That last kiss. She cries, again.

If I apologize for every single mistake, would she come back?

“To have something to remember.”

Oh. God. What have I done?

“Sorry, Baby.”

Eve knows that as mistakes go, she’s amassed a lot. One might say she has quite an exquisite collection. Here, today, she adds the “best” one.


End file.
